I heard when a good thing goes bad it's not the end of the world, just the end of a world you had with one person.. Well I'm human and sometimes shit still hurts. I wonder if I'm considered crazy to still wonder what the hell happened to us. Found myself laying awake in the wee hours of the morning thinking about our first date, our first kiss, and the first time you drowned in my eyes from the mere thought of forever stamping us as one. Man.. how wrong were we..
I've moved on believe it or not, but because life said so. For a while I didn't think I would ever lay in my bed without the sight of tears after our break up. Music didn't sound the same and nothing made sense. Even when I tried to think happy thoughts before laying to rest, my pillow was there to catch every one of my new friends. That time was confusing because it was unexpected and I think that's what made everything worse.
We are told to believe all truth when we are confronted with it but I was in denial. I began hating myself for not being able to let go as I should. I hated you for putting me through it all. So when distance became the token gem of our lives I was forced to draw my own conclusion and just stop. And for a while that meant everything.
Now it's a full year and some change since then and I cannot understand why you cross my mind still. I find myself wondering would the world bring us back together on account of some great exchange happening. Soul mates. Someone who brings out the best and perhaps worse parts of you during a romantic relationship. To some degree we want to know it all. We ask all the right questions at the right time to receive a well thought response, ONLY TO BUCKLE at its message. We in turn ask even more questions and regretting the initial one.
Truth is, I love you still. In this moment, if fate brought us back I swear I would be by your side in a heartbeat. Love has a way of shedding camouflage for the true colors to shine. The colors dance in vibrant tones of SELFISH.
I've dated. Dealt with trial and error just to realize he loves me and will do anything for me. But I swear his kisses are not as sweet. This man has been proving so much of himself that it is I he wishes to wake up to... but sleeping next to you on carpeted futon floors held more pleasure in my eyes. I'm beginning to think I'm absolutely crazy.
Funny thing is I probably won't feel this way tomorrow or next week.
Blessed are blogs and the freedom to just write out loud.
If you're reading this just pray for me.
Peace&Love
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